Our lives and ministries revolve around a constant flow of giving out and taking in.  We regularly teach, counsel and care for people, listening and giving of ourselves in the process.  This spiritual and emotional outflow has to be balanced with input.  Family time, recreation, nature, music, retreating, reading, art, hobbies, sport… all in different ways put something back in our emotional tanks.  Getting the balance right in both the short and long term is essential for ongoing ministry and wellbeing.  We can become seriously depleted through attempting to ‘run on empty’. 

Try this attached resource for use in mentoring.  Let me know any adjustments you find helpful. 

Your Emotional Reservoir

Re-posted from The Australian Christian Mentoring Network www.mentoringnetwork.org.au/2012/01/mentoring-in-5-areas/

The role of the Christian leader, particularly the role of leading a local church, is one of the most diverse and difficult vocations in our society. The pressures and stresses of Christian leadership have led many to abandon ministry, and in some cases to abandon church and faith altogether.

My personal experience as a leader and mentor has led me to conclude that although the skills of ministry leadership are important, character issues are even more important. Effective ‘doing’ comes out of effective ‘being’. What we do is based on who we are. Effective transformational leadership over an extended period of time depends deeply on the Christian character of the leader. If character unravels under pressure, then ministry leadership is severely and adversely affected.

Mentoring is therefore an ongoing relationship of choice on the part of both the mentor and the mentoree. It is the equivalent of the GP medical checkup that is designed to monitor the vital signs for ongoing health. It monitors 5 key areas of the leader’s wellbeing:

• Spirituality (how are you and God?)
• the health of key relationships (how is your relationship with ???),
• emotional health (how are you coping with workload, ministry, people, conflict, staff relationships, how is your level of emotional exhaustion – give me a 1 – 10 score)
• general lifestyle health (are you sleeping well, eating well, getting time off, how was your last day off?, last retreat day?)
• vulnerabilities (what vulnerability at present could the evil one exploit to take you out of ministry?).

The key qualifications required for a mentor of Christian leaders is that the person has had significant experience as a Christian leader themselves (probably at least 10 years and preferably longer), and that they are still in good shape i.e. they still love God, their family, the Church and people in general.

Christian leadership is such a personal and multi skilled vocation that I would suggest the Mentoree also has a Coach (for what they do), and that they are strongly embedded in a ‘Ministry Leaders Support Group’ where honesty is fostered by each confessing – “I am a pastor” etc.

My experience tells me that Mentoring is best seen as having a “Relational” emphasis where the mentoree is asked – “How are you going?” – and he or she is able to talk about whatever is on their heart and mind. It then gradually evolves into the Mentor checking, through pertinent questions, each of the 5 key areas mentioned above.

The regularly, length, mode and place of mentoring have many options! I find 4 or 5 contacts per year each of 2 hours for an individual and 3 hours for a couple works well for most leaders.

Mentoring overlaps with, but is not synonymous with pastoral care, counselling, coaching, and supervision. I believe at its heart mentoring is basically about discipling and is vital for Christian faith as well as leadership.

I enjoyed being part of the Christian Mentoring Forum held at Doncaster Church of Christ on 17 and 18 April.  The full notes and videos are available from the Australian Christian Mentoring Network Site.  These are links to the session I conducted on Wednesday afternoon. 

Presentation: 7 processes in a mentoring relationship

Setting exercises for mentees

Mentoring is not always intentional, neither is it always personal.  Some mentors are writers, theologians, musicians and poets who have no idea of what they have contributed to the lives of others. Some have been gone for some time.  One of the most influential men in my life is George Macdonald.  I have learnt much from his fiction, poetry and sermons.  While this is mentoring of sorts, it really doesn’t quite fit the concepts I sit most comfortably with.  These include a level of relationship and intentional input toward growth.

As I think back over my life I can clearly identify 9 men who have believed in me and built into my life.  I consider myself extremely fortunate to have had these relationships.  I was first discipled by John, fresh out of Bible College and keen to teach young people (I was only 12) the word of God.  Bruce returned from working overseas with a commitment to help Christian young people think well, read widely, study the scriptures in context and share and pray together.  Ray taught me a love for the Tasmanian bush, the names of alpine plants, forest trees and how to appreciate God’s amazing creation.  Harrie met with me each week to pray, study Ephesians in Greek and talk about life.  Another John opened my eyes to issues of justice, authentic faith and taking risks for God.  It was a challenge from Sam that caused my wife and I to lay aside our plans and head away overseas to learn in China, India and then in London and the Middle East.  While away a third John taught me deeper ways to read the scriptures and grapple with culture, interpretation and application.  Alan taught me about peace and the call to radically rethink who we are Christians in our contemporary world.  Les gave me focus as a leader and trainer to build capacity into others lives strategically for God’s kingdom.

Who have your mentors been?  What have they built into your life?  What will you receive as a gift and contribute to the lives of others?

1. Mentoring is more whole of life focussed than supervision which is typically oriented to the professional practitioner’s functioning.
2. Mentoring sits comfortably with working toward developmental goals, supervision is usually focussed more on the here and now, understanding the dynamics in leadership transactions and providing insight on current situations and challenges.
3. Supervision is typically independent of gender and it often helps to have a supervisor of a different gender as their insights can be helpful.  As the mentoring relationship usually permits self-disclosure on the part of the mentor, cross gender mentoring raises extra challenges for the relationship and is usually not encouraged.
4. Supervision is often a systemic requirement and the relationship may have systemic expectations around reporting, confidentiality and commitment.  Mentoring is usually purely at the instigation of the person seeking mentoring and operates outside of a systemic structure.

Mentoring and Supervision

Word study on ‘Equip’ (katartizo)

katartizo, (kat-ar-tid’-zo); to complete thoroughly,
i.e. repair or adjust:–fit, frame, mend, (make) perfect (perfectly join together),
prepare, restore. (Vines) ‘kata’ …. – (lit) ‘down’ – “to put down, bed down ”
‘artios’ …. freshness, wholeness, newness, completeness (related. artos daily fresh bread)

(Matthew 4:21) Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them,

(Matthew 21:16 NRSV) and said to him, “Do you hear what these are saying?” Jesus said to them, “Yes; have you never read, ‘Out of the mouths of infants and nursing babies you have prepared (ordained) praise for yourself’?”

(Luke 6:40) A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.

(1 Corinthians 1:10) I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united (perfectly joined together KJV) in mind and thought.

(2 Corinthians 13:11 NRSV) Finally, brothers and sisters, farewell. Put things in order, listen to my appeal, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.

(Galatians 6:1) Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.

(Ephesians 4:11-12) He.. gave some to be apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers to prepare God’s people for works of service….

(1 Thessalonians 3:10 NRSV) Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you face to face and restore (supply NIV) whatever is lacking in your faith.

(2 Tim 3:16-17) All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and trianing in righteousness so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped (exartizo) for every good work.

(Hebrews 11:3) By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

(Hebrews 13:21) Now may the God of peace … equip you (make you complete NRSV) with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

(1 Peter 5:10) And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you (make you perfect KJV), and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

(highlighted words are translations of forms of katartizo )

A1.  Mentoring needs to be modelled to others who experience mentoring and learn how to mentor through observing it happen in intentional exposure.

A2. Mentors need to be trained.  Nothing can ultimately replace an intentional process of training.  This occurs in a supportive community of mentors who are learning together.  The best adult learning environment is an action – reflection process.  Learn what you need, do it, come back to reflect on what has been learnt and might need to be reshaped.  A process like this may take several years of equipping with periodic training sessions but is ultimately much more effective in producing capable mentors than a one off training program with no follow up.

A3.  Supervision.  Mentors need to be able to talk through their learning, their issues with mentoring processes and their challenges with those they mentor.  Supervision is a critical learning process and also important as an ongoing discipline of healthy leadership practice.

When these three are in place the first generation is in place.  This is essentially adding more mentors.

Multiplication does not occurred though until we begin to think strategically about identifying some of the trained mentors as those who have the capacity and calling to begin to train others.  The process then repeats at the training level.

B1. Modelling training.  Trainers need to enable those who will learn to be trainers to understand the dynamics of effective education through experiencing it and observing it.

B2. Trainers need to be intentionally trained again through an action reflection process.  What better way than to get them equipping their own group of mentors and supporting, resourcing and reflecting with them as they train and supervise a group.

B3.  Trainers encounter a whole new set of issues as they model, teach and supervise others.  This requires a new level of supervision as trainers.

When trainers are fully equipped and are actively training others we have multiplication occurring.  The original person now has people being equipped and trained who they may never have met.  This is the second generation.  There is a third level which ultimately makes the multiplication a strategic transformational process.

C1. Modelling multiplication.  This is demonstrating the ability to train the first generation trainers to themselves identify and equip their own trainers.  Again experiencing this personally and observing it occur in others lives is critical.

C2. Training multipliers. Here the conviction and ability to equip people with the skills and strategic thinking to train a second generation of trainers needs to be imparted.  Balancing the right amount of process and content while giving freedom to adapt and personalise the material is critical.  Training at this level is about letting people go while giving them the vision, strategic skills and resources to shape the future as they feel called.

C3. Supervise multipliers.  People committed to multiplication need to constantly revisit the process and content of their training and equipping.  This needs supervision.  When the skills and conviction are embedded,  There is only one thing for the original visionary to do.

Let the multiplier fly free and get out of the road.

When might we use a coaching model in mentoring?

When a mentoree is operating with a relatively high level of ability but needs to acquire specific skills to deal more effectively with a life, leadership or ministry situation.

When the mentoree has given permission to be tough and has agreed to do the hard work of learning and embedding a new leadership skill.

How does coaching work?

Coaching moves through 3 stages.

1.  Recognition of deficiency and motivation to change.  This is the move from unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence.  When we get to “I need to change and I know what I need to learn”.  We are ready to go.

2.  Identifying and learning the skill set.  This is breaking the skills down into learnable components.  Then they are practiced intentionally, usually in artificial environments till they are ready to be used.  This is the central shift from conscious incompetence to conscious competence.  Here we have explanation, modelling, training, practice, practice, fine tuning, practice and practice.

3.  Embedding the skill as a natural and normal part of leadership.  Once learnt, used and normalised the skill is embedded in the repertoire of leadership.  This is the final shift from conscious competence to unconscious competence.  We just do it, now without thinking!

In mentoring it is worth knowing how to coach and using this skill as it is needed in the equipping relationship.

1.  Connecting, pastoral support

This is the opportunity for an important update of your mentoree’s life story. It is a chance for you to get a broad feel for what is happening in your mentoree’s life. Don’t structure this part too highly. It is an important time for your mentoree to raise anything that they would like to process. Be careful not to let this session take over the whole mentoring time.  I usually give this around 20-30 minutes. 

Common Questions:
How are you travelling?  How is N the child of God, father, husband, pastor, gardener, golfer, householder? Share with me the 3 blessings you are most grateful for in the last month. What have been your three greatest burdens? What incidents, relationships, TV programs, books, remarks have had more than just a passing impact on you over the last month? Is there anything ‘out of left field’ that we need to talk about in this session?

2.  Accountabilities

This section needs to follow the pastoral time. A mentoree does not normally settle in the session until the agreed and known hard questions are asked. This needs to be structured but facilitated in a caring and supportive manner.

Common Questions:
How did you go with the number of nights home with your family this month?  Lets have a look at the accountability we put in place in relation to …. ?  You committed to meet with … How did it go?  I promised last session that I would ask you about your progress with …?

3.  Work on agreed objectives and action points

This is the central section of mentoring and should be well planned and prepared.  Look at each of the objective in turn and the action points that might have arisen in the last session.  Is there progress?  New learning?  Is there further insight into the dynamics at play in each of the areas.  Prepare questions, resources, exercises, discussion, action points for each objective for this session.  Work together to agree to some practical and achievable action points that the mentoree commits to follow up before the next session. 

Common Questions and Processes
Lets have a look at each of the objectives….. What have you been learning about in relation to ……  Have you gained any insight into……   I have been reflecting on your objective of ……  I have prepared an exercise in relation to…..  In thinking about your objective of ….., I came across this article which I think might take us forward. Are there any commitments that you believe you should make out of today’s session.  How do you feel about committing yourself to complete this by our next session?  How seriously do you need to take this situation and act on it? How can I assist you meet your commitments?

4  Conclusion

Revisit any major items shared in the pastoral connection time.
Affirm progress made on accountabilities and objectives.
Remind mentoree of any commitments that you will follow up next session.
Take a few moments to summarise and reflect
Pray. 

Questions / Comments
Let me just recap the journey of the last hour or so…..  Lets just sit quietly for a moment. What has happened for you in the last 2 hours? What is something you are taking away from this session together?  Let’s just go over our commitments to each other for the next session.

5. Arrange and confirm the next session. 

Here are ten questions any person could use as an annual review of discipleship and ministry.

This has been prepared for use within a mentoring relationship.

1. Prayer
   Describe your prayer life this year? Growing? Fading? Exciting? Faltering? Boring? What aspect of prayer could you explore to grow in your relationship with God?
2. Learning
   What have you studied this year (formally or informally)? In what context did this happen (Preparation, research, interest)? What have you learned?  What learning is important for you in the coming year?
3. Worship
   How has corporate and private worship been for you this year? Highs? Lows? Are you taking time to prepare or “just showing up”?
4. Leadership Skills
   In what ways do you sense that your capacity to lead has grown, developed or increased? What have your learnt from observing the leadership of others? What are you learning about your own style, areas of growth?  What is your leadership challenge for this year?
5. Community Building
   How are you connecting with and building your networks and sense of community? What formal links do you have (clubs, societies, groups)? Informal (occasional relationships, connections)? Does this need to grow or shrink this year and how will you manage this transition?
6. Public or social action
   Where have you been publicly visible expressing your faith or commitments? What blocks you from action? How could you shape this area of life more effectively?
7. Serving Others
   Where and in what relationships have you served God this year? Where do you sense God’s deepest and most significant work has been done through you?
8. Sense of Growth
   What events or situations have caused personal growth this year; spiritually, emotionally, relationally? Describe your current growing edge?  Is there a challenge you need to face and are tempted to bypass?
9. Balance
   Reflect on your sense of being balanced in life? Where are you too heavily committed? Where are you missing out? Do you keep Sabbath rhythms (a regular day off, retreats, holidays, recreation)? How are your stress levels overall? What small achievable adjustment would produce a more balanced life?
10. Kingdom Fulfilment
    We all accept that there is room to grow into the fullness of the kingdom. Where do you sense you are called to focus in the coming year?

Adapted by Tim Dyer from an original list by Patricia Hayes, Alban Institute Consultant.