Managing Conflict
Church ConflictIn most church conflicts the pastor and lay leaders will not only be key facilitators for process and the way the church deals with the situation but will usually themselves be participants in the conflict especially where this about change or dissatisfaction with leadership.
Facilitate a safe environment
Conflict allows anxiety, fear and distrust to take root. Anger can be a seed bed for unhealthy and destructive behaviour. Work on communicating that “it is OK to disagree. It is OK to be in conflict.” However in this space we have commitments as Christians as to how we will all behave as we work this through. Share the Covenant Commitments for Christians in Times of Tension. Gain agreement with the behaviours and processes that will be followed by the church / team as things are worked through.
Cultivate an atmosphere of trust
Trust is the single most important element in healthy conflict management. Keeping open, respectful and caring relationships even when people disagree with each other is important. Allow people to share their interests, values and needs. Keep relationships separate from issues.
Be a non-anxious presence and stay connected
Conflict produces fear and anxiety for the leader as well as participants. Your ability as a leader to stay engaged with people, to continue to engage their emotions and their issues rather than retreating or attacking requires significant self-differentiation and is a critical leadership quality.
Model reconciled relationships
Separate relationships from issues. Being “right” in relationship with others is not the same as agreeing with them but it is essential to conflict process. Where there has been hurt from careless words or behaviour ensure that people are held to account for their words and actions and genuine apologies are offered and received. This does not solve the problems, however it allows people to work on the issues from the place of reconciled relationships. Without this, the problems will rarely be solved as broken relationships continually re-infect the process with distrust and hurt. This should be modelled by leadership.
Good process keeps intensity under control
When people see that there is a godly just process in place and that participants are committed to it, intensity will ease. Carefully planning problem-solving and decision-making processes and being clear about the steps involved saves much time and frustration in the long run. If you do not have processes available, gain assistance from mentors, conflict consultants on ground rules and pathways etc.
Know who and when to ask for help
In times of conflict it is critical to maintain personal objectivity, integrity, to manage stress, and to keep perspective. If you don’t have a mentor already, now is a great time to get one. While personal support and assistance is valuable, you may also need communal process assistance from a denominational leader, mediator, facilitator or conflict consultant. Seeking outside help is a strength and sign of wisdom not a weakness.
Listen
Careful, deep listening is a tangible sign of respect and is a critical element in conflict transformation. It includes temporarily setting aside your own agenda in order to fully understand what others are communicating. Seek to get beyond ‘solutions’ or ‘positions’ to the deeper interests, needs and values expressed.
Emotions are an important part of the process
Invite, acknowledge and validate the presence and expression of emotions. Explore their meaning. They are often a key to resolution. However people need to be accountable for their appropriate expression.
Invite and model self-definition
Model the capacity to openly state your feelings, values, needs and interests rather than simply insisting on your position. This clarity opens the way for others to define their own rather than simply reacting. Also model openness about what you might be willing to offer or let go of in order to meet the needs of others. Encourage others to reflect on this willingness as well.
Keep the process mutual
Work to remove problems from a competitive win/lose framework. Frame the issues as a problem to be solved together. Note: some problems by definition do not have a simple solution, they are actually polarities to be managed. Keep work on these always inclusive and mutual.
You can only change yourself
Resist the temptation to focus on changing others. Edwin Friedman (Generation to Generation), says that the success of a leader is more related to how he or she functions as an individual than on any ability to manage others.
Archives
- May 2023
- March 2023
- February 2023
- August 2022
- July 2022
- May 2022
- October 2020
- July 2019
- May 2016
- April 2016
- March 2016
- February 2016
- October 2015
- August 2015
- June 2015
- October 2014
- September 2014
- July 2014
- May 2014
- March 2014
- November 2013
- October 2013
- September 2013
- August 2013
- March 2013
- December 2012
- April 2012
- March 2012
- February 2012
- May 2011
- April 2011
- September 2010
Calendar
M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1 | 2 | 3 | ||||
4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |
25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
Leave a Reply