Month: May 2011

Saying Sorry – steps towards relational reconciliation

If you have been involved in a church or organisational process of consultation or facilitation you may have identified tense or broken relationships which are preventing you from contributing fully and effectively to managing or resolving the issues.

You may be a hurt or injured person in this context. You may also be aware that you have said or done things which have injured or hurt others. It is likely you will be both.

You will also have heard that it is necessary to reconcile relationships before work on the differences and issues can begin. It is important that issues are separated from relationships and the two are dealt with independently because if relationships are not reconciled any work on the issues gets reinfected by the anger, resentment and anxiety of unresolved relationships.

Habits in Conflict: Divided or Bound Together

Divided by conflict

Bound together by conflict

1. Conflict viewed as wrong, sinful, sign of not caring, something to avoid at all costs. Some may be reluctant to disagree with those they like or respect. It is avoided. 1. Conflict viewed as inevitable, neither right nor wrong, an opportunity to grow, it can be evidence of involvement and concern. It is welcomed.
“If he disagrees with me, that proves he doesn’t care about me and can’t be trusted. We need to pray for a change of heart.” “Its going to take some time and energy to work this through but it will be worth it as we both care a lot about the church and want the best outcome”