Conflict Competencies for Christian Leaders

Constructive

Damaging

Active

· Perspective Taking
The ability to listen to, understand and articulate the perspectives offered by others

· Expressing Emotion
The capacity to know, own and respectfully express one’s own emotions without blaming or attacking others (High EI)

· Generating Solutions
The ability to think outside the box. To generate a range of different solutions to a conflict besides one’s own preferred solution

· Reaching Out
The willingness to reach out and initiate contact, conversation, and even to seek reconciliation (to offer and receive an apology) with others when there has been interpersonal hurt

· Winning At All Costs
The tendency to use whatever source of power or manipulation that might be accessible to win at all costs regardless of the validity of others’ concerns, needs or interests

· Displaying Anger
The unregulated expression of anger and frustration in speech and actions (Low EI)

· Retaliating
Retaliating and reacting to each hurt suffered in a conflicted situation

· Displeasing Others
Being willing to displease and frustrate others simply to score points

Passive

· Reflective Thinking
The ability to think reflectively and objectively about the conflict, one’s own contribution to it, and its history, dynamics and processes (Complexification)

· Delaying Responding
The capacity to delay responding and to take time to allow emotions to settle before responding

· Adapting
The ability to adapt, to be flexible and to compromise if needed to move toward resolution

· Self-Critising
A tendency to invalidate one’s own needs, interests and values by being self-critical and self-dismissive

· Hiding Emotions
Hiding emotions and not letting others see how the situation is impacting self

· Avoiding
Avoiding contact, communication and the invitation for reconciliation (Passive-aggressive stance)

· Yielding
Giving-in and simply yielding to the other’s position without engaging discussion and providing input to the decision